Excerpt from Kurt Vonnegut, Jr’s short story “THE EUPHIO QUESTION”

“We had a cross section of America in this room, and we made every last person happy,” Lew said. “Not for just an hour, but for two days without a break.” He arose reverently from his chair. “So what we do to keep it from killing the euphio fans is to have the thing turned on and off with clockwork, see? The owner sets it so it’ll go on just as he comes home from work, then it’ll go off again while he eats supper, then it goes on after supper, off again then it’s bedtime, on again after breakfast, off when it’s time to go to work, then on again for the wife and kids.”

                He ran his hands through his hair and rolled his eyes. “And the selling points—my God, the selling points! No expensive toys for the kids. For the price of a trip to the movies, people can buy thirty hours of euphio. For the price of a fifth of whiskey, they can buy sixty hours of euphio!”

                “Or a big family bottle of potassium cyanide,” Fred said.

——————————————–

I may not have a miracle frequency from a far-away galaxy to tap into, but I have my comparable distractions.  I’m working on it, but damn it is hard.

SOMETHING HAPPENED

I am currently trying to write a review/synopsis/statement of relevance for Joseph Heller’s book Something Happened.  This has been the most important piece of literature in my life and I believe it is the best work of American Literature, and the weight of this is making my review plodding, disjointed and generally bad.

So, in an attempt to find some inspiration or at least alleviate my hours of writing frustration, I will give you some favorite quotes from the book.  Enjoy (err, experience?) them.

ALL QUOTES FROM OUR NARRATOR/ANTIHERO BOB SLOCUM.

“It’s a wise person, I guess, who knows he’s dumb, and an honest person who knows he’s a liar. And it’s a dumb person, I guess, who’s convinced he’s wise…”

-I think Heller probably knew that we can’t always be original, either.  This is strikingly similar to a few Samuel Clemens quotes on intelligence, one of which is: “A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.”

“Something did happen to me somewhere that robbed me of confidence and courage and left me with a fear of discovery and change and a positive dread of everything unknown that may occur.”

-I enjoyed living the un-analysed life.  Then, my high-school sweetheart became a nun and soon after a loved friend died at the hands of a drunk driver.  Something happened, and I feel that I am just now finding ways to escape from the ensuing ten-year malaise.

“I no longer think of Derek as one of my children, or even as mine. I try not to think of him at all. This is becoming easier, even at home when he is nearby with the rest of us, making noise with some red cradle toy or making unintelligible sounds as he endeavors to speak. By now, I don’t even know his name. The children don’t care for him, either.”

–I am adopted. I have little care for bloodlines and family ties.  Nationality and genealogy have little practical place in this world, yet it is a core part of nearly all cultures. Imagine the implications upon Mr. Slocum and his disabled child- there might have been room for love but for the weight of eons of expectations.

“There was a cheerful baby girl in a high chair in my house once, who ate and drank with a hearty appetite and laughed a lot with spontaneous zest: she isn’t here now; and there is no trace of her anywhere.”

-How many times have you heard “Oh, it’s just the terrible twos” or “Oh, she’s just a teenager”? What if these aren’t intended stages of human growth? I think they aren’t. What would that then say about us and our world that our children are growing into?

My son is nearly two, and my heart will break permanently if this is his path.  The world will also have permanently gained and enemy, as it seems to have with Bob Slocum.

“The world just doesn’t work. It’s an idea whose time is gone.”

-Too many pervasive habits and rituals that stunt love and thought.

Example:  Christianity has killed more people than Hitler, Mao and Stalin combined, yet even atheists generally acquiesce to the idea that Jesus is generally good.  Example: war and killing is justified if our lives are threatened, yet there is no agreement on what type of ‘life’ is being defended, apart from what currently constitutes ‘us.’ Examples:  Heterosexual Marriage and monogamy at their essence are ideas that predetermine which type and how many people are/might be your soul mates.

Ok.  I think this worked.  Brainstorming complete. See you soon with more. 

Grrr. Can’t sleeping bitc… er, dogs just lie?

This Sunday’s local newspaper headline. I guess the header is now the editorial section and/or there is just a misguided idea of who defenders of freedom are in this community. Shame on you, Tri-City Herald.

…only a Cardinal? Nope! It was-a da’ POPE!

Original artwork by C. Crosser, my sweetie’s mother. She is from a VERY TALENTED FAMILY, INDEED!

WASHINGTON’S FINEST or: The Courtship of Supple Apple

Supple apple

In the orchard

Glances over

To where Banana loiters.

 

“I’d eat your core, if you would let me”

Grinned the presumptuous plantain.

“Well, I never! Not unless you plan to wed me.

And even then,  you are crass and rude and plain.”

 

“Wed you!? Ha!” scoffed the exotic fruit.

“I don’t yet know what’s beneath your crimson power suit.

Are you tastier with or without your skin?

Silly western sweets who  turn down fun in fear of sin.”

 

Closer yet, the banana rocked

Fruit flies and the hint of abduction following.

Until his ‘pinch’ just below her stem

Sent our ladyfruit frantically rolling.

 

“How else do I know if you’re ripe?”

He called after her, bewildered.

She stopped (at a distance) to try and explain the discomfort that filled her.

 

“That’s not how you do it! I bruise! I bruise!

If you play the game like that, then leave now.

Good DAY sir, You lose!”

 

“But I don’t play those games.

I have too little time.

What if I said ‘you are glistening?’

Would that be just fine?

But wooing words are cheap and your peel is thin

(and useless once I’m inside-)

Yet you shield yourself with a fervor.

Now let me explain my side:

 

My peel is bitter

I’m even softer than you.

Without opening up

I’m just a boring, sulphur hue.

I didn’t ask to make a pie.

I simply wanted to screw

To know if you are crisp inside

or mealy or sour and overdue.

 

Now I’ll leave

But please don’t be offended

by my unwanted advances

No harm was intended.

Just remember that your looks made me hungry

to taste every bite that is you

which is an advantage I do not have-

inquisitive, persistent fruits are few.

Don’t take youth and beauty for granted

Or your seeds may never be planted.”

———————

That evening, these two made Ban-apple sauce

and then onward to that Smoothie in the Sky.

And where once there was only empty space

You’ll see an apple orchard

With peculiar blooms

When you rock on by.

Two Years Later and One the Wiser

me. today. rough draft

 

Waves roll over waves

Houses float

Water retreats to sometime come again.

Toori & Doori now sports a boat

 

Island girl

Where is your home by the Sea?

You knew this could happen

Could have been Nippon’ed in the bud

by living in more unfamiliar lands.

but we make do with what is within our borders.

 

Percentages are tricky things.

We probably won’t see a meltdown.

When we do it shouldn’t be bad.

And if it is, just think of all the cheap current we had:

For Pachinko

Television

Datsun

(it rose and blinded me right and proper).

And a sporty Canon camera

(take a picture, why doncha? It’ll last longer).

 

We can probably eat the cows

Say ‘eat!’ and I’ll kobe.

Fractions of percentages of compromises

poisoning along the way.

Sold down the river

One more disaster for man to solve.

So what if we created the problem?

Would that weaken your resolve?

 

Somehow this island drifted from the rest

But still retains the spirit of the West.

Comfort and entertainment an overriding drive.

While lower nations lack the water to survive.

 

Waves push and mankind expands.

Land on a beach and then form into bands

Of countrymen, followers

(each the ‘best in the world’)

We protect what we know.

Some liberties have been taken-

Don’t worry.  Not yours. May your patriotism not be shaken.

 

Glow or be covered in soot?

Pretty poor choices in my book.

Sold down the river.  Soon these fractions will add up.

‘Forward!’ because we can-

Before we agree upon what we are advancing.

195 opinions from fenced-off lands.

What Alexander Pope thinks of my poetry:

Where-e’er you find “the cooling western breeze,”

In the next line, it “whispers through the trees;”

If crystal streams “with pleasing murmurs creep,”

The reader’s threatened (not in vain) with “sleep.”

 

Point taken, dead sir. Rigidity is my armor now, but soon I will write un-shielded.

Mourning Dove

me. 1st draft.  Today.                                          

I read that the dove is closely related to the pigeon… I just don’t see it

Another beautiful morning in the Mid-Columbidae Basin.

Hey little friend

Joining my daybreak route?

You’ve landed in my path six times now.

Please watch out!

 

Four feathery ounces again lead the way.

Good morning to you! What are you trying to say?

I see another pair on the lawn across the street

Why are you alone? Is that why you don’t tweet?

You’re solo, I’m on my own…

Hey baby… funny we should meet.

 

My mind

On more mystical days

Seeks a message

In this avian display.

A Christian dove?

(please no, tiny bird-

you are not so unworthy a muse).

Or a wild Ishtar, playing a pawn in a mischievous ruse?

 

If there’s a message you are sending, it hasn’t been received

but maybe things are less and more than otherwise perceived.

 

For now I’ll just thank you for the company

worth more than a sign towards path or track.

The seas of pavement are easier to navigate

simply knowing that fauna has ‘got my back.’

Hoeing – in green major

today.  Me.  1st draft.

 

Verdant and sticky and seemingly legit

Somehow I couldn’t get stoned from it.

I wonder how I’ll face this sober.

Perhaps, just tonight, you shouldn’t come over.

 

Tomorrow I’ll smoke a four-leafed clover.

The garden needs tending anyway.

Then hose-down in the shower

with luck she’ll bend over

and we’ll diddle the driftless day away.

Well, dad. I’m not sure how I feel about that…

My handsome son H.J.- taken during the holidays.